Feedback From My Pitch!

Last Friday, I successfully delivered a pitch detailing my plans for my short film, including a storyboard, a script, a rough draft of my poster, as well as a summary of my film's plot and meaning. I was really pleased with the way in which I presented my pitch; I felt as though I conveyed my ideas clearly, and in a way that my audience could actually understand, which was my biggest fear, given the complex nature of my story's theme and narrative.

I was given several pointer's to work from, all of which were minor things to work on, all of which were points that I agree with and am happy to adjust. The improvement's I need to make are as follow's:

-Change the film's title from 'The Before' to simply 'Before'; the punchy nature of the one-word title will have more of a lasting impact with viewers.

-Change the tagline to 'Every After Has Its Beginning'.

-Make the imagery of the rose, rocking horse and the preacher's more clear at the end of my storyboard.

-Perhaps add a drop of water to the rose, capturing a shot of it falling off the rose, symbolic connoting a tear.

As I've said, these are all things that are easy to change, allowing me to now focus of production. I'm pleased that I now have my idea sorted, and the foundations for my production are mostly there, with locations, props, cast and equipment for the most part sorted. I now look forward to making these adjustments, and working to begin production...

"The Before" Poster

"The Before" (First Draft)

This is my first draft of a script I wrote called "The Before". I was really drawn to this idea and I'm happy with how the first draft turned out, albeit knowing that there are a few things that'll need changing. I'll explain the inspirations behind this script in a future post, but I think it's best you just take a look for yourselves...

 

"The Before" (First Draft)

 

Scene One:

Present day: A suburban street road- shot in black and white to give a surreal, menacing tone. Quick montage-like cuts create a snapshot of this non-descript suburbia:

-Close-up of wilting rose set against the backdrop of white-picket fence (the only thing in colour the red rose petal).

-A red rocking horse strewn across a front lawn.

-Long shot of Jehovah’s Witnesses knocking on doors with red bible.

A noise like ringing in the ears gradually intensifies (non-diegetic)

All other diegetic sound (the wind, children crying in the distance, the talking of the preacher’s) drifts in and out of focus, and feels distant.

Cut to a long shot of a male figure standing in the middle of the road.

Close-up of the man: intense, menacing look behind his eyes as he looks at something beyond the frame.

Jump-cut to over-the-shoulder shot as we see what the man is looking at- a woman with red hair, with another man.

Moving to a medium shot, we see them laughing and talking (not audibly), oblivious to the lone figure.

The woman’s face is obscured by her distinctive red hair. Finally, she turns (in close-up), revealing one of her eyes. She looks straight into the camera (the camera acting as the eyes of the mysterious male), looking shocked.

The buzzing builds to a dramatic crescendo, and we hear her gasp, the sound echoing and reverberating.

Scene Two:

Birds eye view shot of the man who was looking on in the previous scene and the red-headed woman. The scene is shot in colour.

The tagline written across the centre of the first shot implies that this scene is in flashback, and it also links to the title: “24 Days Before”.

She is turned to face away from him, her hair yet again obscuring her face. The man is looking up towards the ceiling (and therefore the camera). The camera slowly zooms in on him, conveying his deadpan facial expression. There’s a real stillness, no noise.

Suddenly, we hear laughing and excitable discussion, leaving the viewer temporarily confused.

Cut to a handheld VHS recording of the pair when they were happy together. Timestamp; July 2nd 1998- having a romantic picnic, bright, high key lighting, has a dreamy quality.

Dialogue to be improvised in order to have a naturalistic effect, but the gist of it is to show how loved up they are.

The male protagonist will hold the camera, the footage purposely grainy and shaky- again, to create a sense of realism.

Non-diegetic music- tinkly, sentimental, happy.

Cut back to the bedroom, by which time the camera has zoomed in closely on the man’s pained expression.

The tinkly music continues, in this context feeling melancholy.

A single tear rolls down his cheek, one side of his face in light, the other concealed in darkness.

Cut to a close-up of a framed pic on bedside table, the music now fading. It’s a picture of that same picnic, a happy moment in time.

Voiceover (non-diegetic): ‘Having issues in your marriage is TOTALLY normal...’

Scene Three:

Cut to a shot of the speaker, close-up. She’s middle aged, wearing a false smile, dressed glamorously, the epitome of annoying.

Cut to a shot of her name card. Adorned on it is, ‘DR SMILEY, MARRIAGE COUNSELLOR’.

Cut to a long shot of the office. Camera positioned behind the silhouettes of the couple looking across the mahogany desk at the aptly named Dr Smiley. Written across the frame: ‘18 Days before’

The walls are grotesquely saturated with affirmations, inspirational quotes and pictures of smiling people.

Quick montage-like cuts of close-ups of the different pictures of smiling people, the place feels oppressive and intimidating.

Cut to a mid-shot of the faces of the couple behind the desk. After all this ‘smiling’, there’s some humour in the fact that the two are most definitely NOT smiling.

Camera lingers awkwardly, the pair looking straight ahead, avoiding eye contact.

Shot-reverse-shot of Dr Smiley’s reaction to the apparent silence- her faux-jollity is wiped of her face, grimacing in the awkwardness of it all.

No music, apart from ticking of the grandfather clock, highlights this awkwardness.

Dr Smiley: ‘Well, um, how about you express your feelings, Mrs-um-Mrs Brown...’

Cut to a mid-shot of Mrs White, looking disgruntled: ‘It’s Mrs White! [looks pointedly at Mr White, whose out of the frame] And I-I don’t know what to say, he doesn’t care about me anymore, it’s as if he’s not in the room-look-see what I mean!?!’

Cut to Mr White, close-up. Camera leaves Mrs White out of focus, focusing on the foreground- Mr White.

The woman continues to vent, understandably so, but the volume of her words reduces, becoming distorted; so much so that her words descend into a really low-pitched voice.

Buzzing begins, intensifying. His face is totally blank, deep in thought. He then begins to smile, completely out of the zone, making Mrs White’s voice becomes even more annoyed and distorted.

Buzzing reaches a crescendo...

Scene Four:

The couple’s house. It’s dark, the only light shining into the conservatory being the moonlight. The camera is positioned low, at the man’s feet looking upwards, giving him a position of power. He’s sat on a large leather seat, throne-like.

His face is shrouded in darkness; non-diegetic sound of him recounting past arguments- they echo:

Man: ‘...I FOUND THE TEXTS ON YOUR PHONE....’

Woman: ‘Yeah.... well, so what, I deserved better than you’

It’s ugly stuff, a wall of noise, in complete contradiction with the comparatively silent surroundings of the man as he sits in an empty conservatory.

Moon-lit shot of a close-up of his hand: he’s holding a kitchen knife, held downwards against the coaster next to the armchair. He’s casually twisting it, rotating it, scratching the coaster absent-mindedly.

Buzzing intensifies.

Foreground of the knife shifts out of focus, concentrating on the background-it’s a photographic portrait of the pair in happier times.

A long shot shows him walking towards the photo. Close-up of him pressing the knife against the frame, the moonlight reflecting off the portrait.

Non-diegetic voice over: ‘ I CAN’T BELIEVE SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPENED IN OUR COMMUNITY!’

Scene Five:

Back to the present day- back to black and white. It’s a BBC News-like live interview of an elderly man, his head peeking out his front door (which is red), looking wild and utterly afraid.

Caption written across the frame: ‘WOMAN MURDERED BY DERANGED EX-HUSBAND!’ There’s no solemnity about the way it’s being reported.

Old Man: ‘They were such a lovely couple, the fella even offered to help me take my weeds out!’

Cut to a close-up of faceless, unidentifiable mourners laying down roses- the red of the roses is the only colour in the frame.

The scratching of vinyl and distorted sobbing from the mourners can be heard.

Scene Six:

Quick jump-cuts show the man putting on a vinyl record. The tagline ‘The End of “Before”’ is written across the frame. BJ Thomas’ ‘Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head’ begins to play; it’s bittersweet music, the calm before the storm.

Montage, shot in black and white, ensues, pace of editing gradually quickening as we move to the climactic shots.

-The bathroom: brushing his teeth, taking a series of pills. The bathroom looks green, almost acidic, the tiles dirty-looking. The positioning of the camera is looking at his reflection in the mirror.

-Getting dressed: dressing in scruffy attire, an ironic ‘Employee of the month’ badge pinned to his jumper.

-Picking up the knife: a low-angle positioned shot, placed by the knife on the table, the man pausing. The pace of edits is dramatically slowed, emphasising to the viewer the significance of this scene. He picks up the knife hesitantly, the hilt of the knife sticking out of his trouser pocket. A medium shot show’s the man’s figure brushing past the photo, the frame crashing to the floor as he leaves the front door.

Walking the streets: a quick series of long shots of the man traversing the streets, his menacing face juxtaposing with the normal images of suburban life. Panning will be used.

The stand-off: Finally, we return to the opening scenes of the film. Shots of the rose, rocking horse and the Jehovah’s witnesses are repeated in order to emphasise this idea. The music becomes distorted, the buzzing sound drowning out all diegetic and nondiegetic sound.

A repeat of the shots (up until the point where the female protagonist gasps) is replayed. Suddenly, the buzzing stops- immediate silence.

Close-up’s reveal the woman’s muted reaction, screaming and yelling with no sound. The final shot is a close-up of the hilt of the knife, the woman’s distinct red hair blurred in the background.

The longest shot in the film, it’s a tracking shot as the man (and the knife) moves towards her. After a few seconds, the man’s hand places a firm grip on the hilt of the knife, still in his trouser pocket.

Total silence. Cut to black. Pause a couple beats.

‘A FILM BY FINLEY HARNETT’

‘THE BEFORE’

An acoustic version of ‘Raindrops Keep Fallin on my Head’ plays as the credits continue.

Casting Decisions!

In the days since my last post, I've been working on a short film going under the title "The Before". Having written a first draft of my script, my next step was to find actors who could assume this role. Therefore, I've taken the opportunity to take a couple of shots of who I plan to use in my short film and what role they'll assume...

Emily Poulton

Emily Poulton will be playing the role of the female protagonist in the play. I chose Emily for her distinctive red hair (as stipulated in the script) and the fact that she's adept at acting a variety of roles, which is needed for the character, who's both the aggressor and the victim in the short film.

Liam O'Reilly

 

Next is Liam O'Reilly, who'll be playing the role of the male antagonist. I thought he'd be suitable for this role, and I thought that him and Emily would have good chemistry on-screen, which is fundamental in making a quality short film.

 

Overall, I'm pleased with who's been cast in these main two roles; I'm still in the process of casting less significant roles, and will finalise these decisions prior to the pitch. It's good to put a face to each of the character's, and having cast my main two characters I'm looking forward to start shooting...  



What Do I Need To Do?

At the beginning of the year, I didn't really feel as though I was sufficiently dedicated enough to keep up a level of consistency and quality on this blog. However, as time has gone on, I've got my act together and I'm glad that I'm posting more regularly and, most importantly, I think I've been putting a lot more effort in my posts. With the deadline for the pitch looming, I feel as though this is an appropriate point to assess where I'm at and what I need to do in order to get to where I need to be in the next couple of weeks. As well as making sure I've fully caught up on my research, I want to ensure that I begin to formulate a pitch that is of a quality standard. Therefore, I'd like to make a note of what I need to be doing in order to be fully caught up on my work, ready to present my pitch;

Finishing Research:

-To finish the remaining 6 posts analysing short films. This will take me up to a total of 10, which has been my target.

-Add a detailed analysis of my survey results.

-A few paragraphs reflecting upon my research process- what I've done well, what I could've done better and what things I should still continue researching.

Pitch Work:

-For my pitch, I want to create a presentation on poster-size writing sheets, to act as a reference when presenting my pitch. On top of that, I want to create a booklet for my audience to look at. Also, I want to be able to memorise a script so that I can deliver my pitch efficiently, economically and professionally.

-Mock-up poster: at the moment I'm still deciding on whether to take a picture and use this for my poster, or whether to draw up my ideas. When making my poster, I plan to make a post on my experiences with Photoshop, what I've learnt, and what I still want to learn about the software before creating my final draft.

-A mock-up review: I'm not going to write a proper review, but I want to create something that shows my structure and layout in designing a review. Using a format similar to Empire's reviews, I need to take a shot on my camera that will act as a promotional still- it should be ambiguous, as well as featuring who my main  protagonist's are going to be.

-Script: Write a rough draft to demonstrate the thought process I've gone through to create dialogue that is appropriate for my film. Note that this is only a rough draft, and I won't be too fussed whether it's too long or too short for the 5min length: what's really important is that I've shown that I've begun working on dialogue/plot.

-Storyboard: I'm admittedly a bit of a perfectionist, and so my storyboard (hopefully by the point of the pitch), won't just be stickmen. The reason for this is that I want to show to my peers that I'm confident in my vision for the pitch, something that can't be adequately displayed though the old draw-some-stickmen-and-that's-good-enough process.

-Animatic: Not as much of a priority as the storyboard and script, it would be a nice flourish to be able to show off an animatic. But, well, um, I'm not exactly sure how to make a really good animatic so this is perhaps going to be on the back burner for now.

-Mood Board: I want to create a collage of different things that have inspired me: newspaper cuttings, magazine cuttings and TV shows/Films that demonstrate costumes and styles that fit my vision for the short film. Not necessary, but I think this will be able to directly show the link between research and my own short film. 

-Location/Actors: Pictures of where I'm planning to shoot and who I'm planning to cast. Bare in mind, this is a work in progress and changes are liable to be made.

-My script: this is where I want to demonstrate my ability to deliver a pitch in a sophisticated and technical manner. I want to prove that I've thought about my idea, and that there is some method to what I'm trying to achieve. Therefore, I'm going to refer to the questions that were asked by my teacher (see previous post). Also, I want to be well versed in questions that could possibly arise from the audience after my pitch which, personally, would help me feel more confident and less anxious about presenting before others.

-Equipment/Software/The Technical Stuff: Finally, I want a page on my poster presentation to encompass the technical aspect of film-making; I'm more of a creative mind than a technical one, and so this is probably the part of my pitch I'm most distressed about. But, well, its important to tackle your weaknesses, so yeah. I want to discuss the equipment I'm planning to use, as well as the software that will make my poster, review and film happen.

-My presentation: This is mainly going to reflect what's already been written in each of my booklets. Basically I want my presentation to act as a visual aid; to bring my ramblings into focus, if that makes sense. Including pictures that I've taken, cartoons that I've drawn, I want my  vision for this film to feel as though it's clear at the end of my pitch. This is where the significance of the poster-pad comes in.

So this is what I need to be doing in the next two to three weeks. It's a lot, and I have high hopes for what I want my pitch to be, but I feel as though this is important to prove to my teacher and my peers that I'm most definitely focused on my work and my film, now that I'm posting on a more regular basis and I've caught up with my work. If you've read all of this, you're probably wondering what my actual idea is. Well, I've got my ideas, and I'm going to relay these ideas onto my blog shortly. In the next couple of days, I'm going to finalise my idea. So, this is what I'm up to; watch this space...

Pitch Notes

In my previous Media Studies, we went through a few top tips in order to produce a pitch of the highest quality. Having jotted down a few notes, I thought it would be pertinent to record these on this blog, to allow me to focus on what needs to be addressed when delivering my pitch;

What’s the meaning in/behind your project?

Who is your target audience?

 How are they reflected in the piece?

 What's your narrative?

 How have you created meaning? - Sound, Editing, Mise-En-Scene, Camera

Ensure you discuss the following:

Actors

Locations

Props

Costumes

What message are you trying to put across? How does each shot add to/ reinforce these message?

By addressing these pointers when delivering my pitch, I feel confident that I can create and deliver a successful pitch, whereby I can get on with my short film's production.

Equipment List; A Rough Draft...

As I prepare for the production of my film, it's vital that I consider in advance what equipment I'm going to use in order to capture shots that I'm satisfied with. I want to give the short film an air of quality- therefore, I must start planning in advance in regards to what equipment I'm planning to use.

Camera: Canon 600D
External Microphone: I don't own one of these, I need to look for a microphone online, looking for microphone's that will pick up quality sound, whilst being cost effective.
Tripod: Can use a school one.
Laptop: MacBook Pro (of course)
Software: Still considering between Adobe Premiere Pro (which I find really difficult to get my head round) or I-Movie (which is a lot easier to use, albeit not as advanced as the aforementioned editing software).

This is my initial equipment list, and this list is still liable to change as my ideas develop and advance. However, I'm pleased that, using this equipment, I will- hopefully- be able to produce a film that looks professional and can capture the shots I need.

 

Equipment List!